Dear Scarlet Lady,
I am a young innocent white belt first year who has just joined Jitsu.
I went to the nationals and heard some of the girls talking about "hakama hookers".
Please tell me what this means.
love A. N. Onymouse.
Dear A.
There is a tribe of Indians in central Brazil who believe that they can become better warriors by drinking the blood of their enemies finest warriors.
Hakama hookers are people who are seeking to become better at Jitsu in a similar but slightly different way.
Dear Scarlet Lady,
I am really p***ed off, I think the Preston Groin Busters may be coming back.
Can I wear a cricket box to surprise them?
Luv Little Boy Blue.
Dear Little,
No you may not. Where is the fun in that?
How am I supposed to hone my techniques if all the boys do that?
I would be actually reduced to doing Jitsu.
Dear Scarlet Lady,
My years of hard training and dedication have finally paid off - I am shacked up with a new sensei.
Unfortunatly, I need to tell him that just because he can swing the hammer, it does not mean he can ring the bell.
Help! I'm worried that breaking this news will lead to severe retributions on the mat.
Please do not print my name.
Dear Timothy,
What you do is this.
Secretly sleep your way around the rest of the Foundation untill somone higher in rank with better ground fighting skills.
I hear that
is a bit of a goer!!!
Problem solved on both counts. I any more problems do occur, seek me out for a private consultation -
my first hand knowledge is second to none.
Dear Scarlet Lady,
Can you please tell me what the defence is against a whip?
Tiger.
Well Tiger, you start by asking to be untied ...
Dear Scarlet Lady,
I am about to take my orange belt and am keen to get as many mons as possible.
I have been told by a dark blue belt that the best way of doing this is to perform certain favours for grades of dark blue and above.
Is this true? And if so what are the favours?
Lots of Love An ambitious Yellow II
Oh dear Sweetie, I am afraid that you have just been had. The favours to which you refer only count when done for second dans or above. I expect that the blue belt is just making sure that your skills are up to scratch. As to the precise nature of the favours, they are exactly the same as the ones which got you your previous mons except that the bruises have to be darker and more evenly spaced.
Dear Scarlet Lady,
I am about to embark on my brown belt grading.
Do I seriously need a beer gut to conform to the standards?
Love Little Boy Blue
Dear Little,
Is that why you have been growing it?
I thought you were developing a fuller figure to distract attention from your spindly legs.
Dear Scarlet Lady,
I am afraid to come on the mat because this little green belt
keeps grabbing my 'nads.
She is about five foot nothing so I can't stop her.
Frightened.
There there, she has gone away to Newcastle now. But never let your guard down. Since days-of-old Preston has had a tradition of female groin busters and we have just learned that one of the very originals, Andrea née Armstrong , will soon be back in town.